It's the Most Effective Thing I've Ever Done
We continue following Michaela and Sophie’s story. You can read Part 1 here.
ME: How do you feel now?
MICHAELA: We had five sessions [last year], and then we had a break. And I had another rough patch of high physical demand when I had to do all of Sophie’s feeding on the floor again, for seven hours a day. I did start getting sore again once that ramped up. Still not as sore as it was before. And then I started seeing you again [this year]; we've done three sessions - and it works even quicker this time, much quicker. I connected more with what you give - I come home and repeat a lesson myself. I prioritised it this time around. I’ve done a lot more little things on my own. And maybe I am “a different” busy now. Before, when I was doing a lot of the gym, I was up at 5 am, then left exhausted by the end of the day. Now, I am trying to find a bit more balance, and I am not quite too tired all the time. I tend to gravitate toward repeating the movements in the evenings, and it’s been very helpful.
And again, empowering. That's something I can do myself at home. Like those 20 minutes, I just hop on the mat here and use the roller. And I know, if I hop into bed and my back feels a bit stiff or crampy, I'll get back out of bed and hop on the mat and just go spend a few minutes bringing myself back to comfortable.
ME: In the sessions we have together, is there a part that you specifically enjoyed and were looking forward to?
MICHAELA: I always really enjoy the table work. It is also a space where I come to really let go and relax, in a way that I often forget is possible sometimes. I also enjoy the other parts of the session as much because I learn. What I've been finding interesting lately is exploring my beliefs about pain. For instance, I'd be doing some movements and I’d feel like my back is cramping or a bit sore, or I'd feel some pain somewhere in my body, but then I’d be patient with it - moving gently, and learning to trust that, just going slowly and gently, all of a sudden it'll be gone, and I'll feel better. But there's that part of me that's like, I feel the pain there, and it's hard to believe that it goes away, and this causes me to feel stressed when all you want to do is completely change your position and move out of it. But I find that with a little bit of patience, you can be on the borderline of fear of being painful. It’s a blurred line sometimes - I expect a movement to be uncomfortable, and my body can be hesitant bout it, but it made me feel so much better each time. My go-to safety net used to be “move less and avoid more”, and now it’s “be patient and move more”.
ME: Did you have any hesitations about doing this work?
MICHAELA: I love going! Probably the only thing that I ever find tricky is when Sophie’s not been in a good place, she hasn't eaten or drunk, and I don't know if she's going to eat or drink with someone else - anything about her needs getting met. But it has never actually been an issue; once I get out of the house, I’m good. And come back in a really leisurely manner.
ME: What makes you think that the FeldenkraisⓇ work was the right choice for you?
MICHAELA: There are a few aspects. One, because we've seen the benefits that Sophie's had from it, and I've learnt so much from doing it myself. I learn about movement, how it feels, how my body processes movement, and how I learn, and it helps me relate to what Sophie goes through - even if it's different challenges. As an adult, you do so much on repeat, whereas kids are still learning. I remember the first time I was trying to help Sophie crawl. I had no idea, and I can't remember how I crawled. How am I going to help her learn it if I have no idea? In Feldenkrais, there is that deep understanding of movement, breaking it down, and not just understanding how it happens but experiencing it. It makes you feel like a complete learner, like you are learning something new - and it’s a very similar place to be. Like the other day, you made me move my arms like rolling pins - and I had no idea about rotating them that way, and now it’s one of my favourite moves to play with.
And it’s very similar to what my daughter experiences - she doesn’t know there is a movement she’s missing. As a parent, it’s easy to be - do this and do that, lift your arms like this, reach like that. But the difference between being told and experiencing something - it’s a huge thing to have that aspect.
Then, for me personally - it’s the most effective thing I’ve ever done. Chiropractor, osteo, physio, craniosacral - I’ve done a lot. And FeldenkraisⓇ has been the most helpful thing - not just for pain; it helps you do what you are doing better. I found a massive benefit in how I do manual handling and lifting and moving my child. It’s better for her as well - learning about weight transfer and how to position myself so there is less force needed, I can now move her around without grabbing her or making her body tense. Before I learned to do it the Feldenkrais way, I’d pick her up, and she’d tense up - she’d be getting ready for a grab or a pull. For her, it means she is more comfortable, it’s an amazing difference in her muscle tone when I touch her. And for me, I am lifting the weight easier and more comfortably - it’s a huge aspect that many parents of children with CP would benefit from.
You can learn how to create movement and move your child without applying force on a body, which means less tension or discomfort for her.
ME: How would you describe what we do during sessions?
MICHAELA: It’s a modality that helps you learn how to move more comfortably and easily in a functional way. It can help you improve how you do anything and everything in your life that requires movement. Compared to other modalities, like physiotherapy, it’s more experiential learning - not trying to correct something that’s wrong, and it works with your whole body and your habits - postural or movement, and it feels almost naturally learned this way.
Physiotherapy would be more about fixing or correcting something, whereas FeldenkraisⓇ will still help you with whatever it is you want to “fix”, but it also addresses how your whole body moves. Obviously, one part of the body affects the other parts of the body and the way you move them. If you have pain or are recovering from an injury, this can help a lot - I’d broken my ankle and had a moon boot on, and after that, my foot seemingly functioned, but I was unable to move my foot and my toes as if they were still in the boot. And lessons I had helped with this particular issue too.
ME: Any unexpected benefits?
MICHAELA: The biggest surprise was how much it could help to go from pain to feeling such ease and enjoyment of movement. I wasn't looking for or expecting anything like it. I'd often go for a walk afterwards and just be amazed … even walking out from my last session, I'd be walking to the car and feel like I could just run off; there's just such a joy!
ME: Who would you recommend this work for?
MICHAELA: Everyone! But other than that, I guess because it's close to my heart - anyone who's caregiving. When you are in a tough situation, you have to sacrifice so much, including your own well-being. You can be up all night, and you might not have time to look after yourself - and it’s a challenge. It’s very easy to feel like a victim of this life situation. Something happened to you, and it’s very disempowering. It’s the hardest place to be - you feel like you have no options. You start feeling depressed and stuck, and everything feels worse.
The FeldenkraisⓇ work helps you acknowledge that you do have choices. There might be little - you can’t take a half day off, you can’t get a full night’s sleep … If looking after myself means I need to walk for an hour every day, meditate for half an hour every night or whatever else I was able to do in the past - I don’t have many choices indeed. But I’ve had to realise that I can start with really little things - finding a way to do something more comfortable instead of putting up with discomfort; or doing 10 minutes of movement. You have to start small sometimes.
ME: Anything that you think I could do better or make it easier for you in any way?
MICHAELA: If only I could stay for another hour to have a nap …. [laughing]
ME: Anything else you’d love to tell to parents of children who have high needs or other caregivers?
MICHAELA: Not prioritising and not looking after yourself becomes a habit when you put yourself last in the equation. Of course, you have to do that sometimes - your kid is sick, and it becomes a new normal. There was a time before I managed to get to the gym - I would fill up my water bottles and pack my gym bag the night before, and I wouldn't even make it the next day. Things would be crazy; she'd be on strike of eating or something else, and it would be going on for weeks. But I just determinedly kept getting it ready, and I'd make it maybe one day.
Do you know the book Atomic Habits? - I think you have to apply that to your self-care. You've got to learn how to set yourself up to make the right choice. Because if you get to that point where you are exhausted, you're going to make your habitual choice. If you’d like to do something different, step back. I wanted to choose to actually make it to the gym, so I'd step it back: for my chances to go there, I need to be ready and have water and whatever, and I'd just practice that. And then eventually I got to go more. So I think it takes quite a lot of learning about yourself and how to prioritise yourself in a caregiving situation. I think it's a really big deal. Not just working through the feelings of guilt because while I’m doing this for myself, my kid is missing out; or I’ve spent this money on myself rather than on .. so many other things. But then, also practically, you’ve got to strategise.
Quite often, you get used to a routine, and then it changes. We had something working for us, but now Jarreth needs to work more. We need to figure out how to fit school into our lives. I’ve lost my time when I was able to have my two hours in the morning to exercise. I know I am going to figure it out another time. I have my FeldenkraisⓇ sessions back; the next thing I'm going to figure out is how to fit in some walking. Patience - with yourself. We often have skills that we use with our kids when we need to get organised and prioritise. We can apply these skills to ourselves, too.
ME: If parents have never tried the Feldenkrais MethodⓇ for their kids, give them one reason they should.
MICHAELA: At least give it a try. I feel from my experience and the things we've tried and done that it's been the most effective way to help Sophie learn functional movement and be as comfortable as possible. A lot of these kids work so hard on their movement, and FeldenkraisⓇ helps them make movement easier; this is not to be scoffed at. They are trying really hard with what they have.
Thank you, Michaela, I am excited about the difference our work together makes to your family, and I am looking forward to our future sessions and what they might unveil.